I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
