you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
