I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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