its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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