The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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