my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
