i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
