I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
