Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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