clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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