Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
