i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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