I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
