mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
