How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
