apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
