Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
