why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
