textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We're too hungover to prance.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
