I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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