Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
They took my balls.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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