I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
