im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
