Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
