alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
