So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
