is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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