How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
