Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
