i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
