i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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