Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
