I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
