im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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