at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
