You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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