I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
