I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
