we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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