I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
