so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
