I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
