Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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