Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
