so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
