also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
