i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
