real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
