I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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