this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
