1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Everclear isn't food dammit
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
