Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
