I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
