Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
