she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
