White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
